dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
