I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I lost the right to judge tonight
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
