My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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