she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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