We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
