It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
