dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
