why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
