I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
