You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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