idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
