I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
bring money and cleavage
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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