My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
