I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
