Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
