you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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