just come out here and I will go home with you...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
