i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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