Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
