he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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