I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
