How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
