I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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