just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
