Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
