Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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