Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
