Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
