the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
