hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
