I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
