youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
