she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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