Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
