just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
