If that was your dad, he is hot
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
And then he peed in my hair
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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