drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
