just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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