I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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