Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
