I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
