So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
