you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and she was petting her beer can
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
