i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
