I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
