He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize