Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
