i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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