you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
