She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
