I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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