I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
