She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
