I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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