He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
