I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize