Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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