At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
