Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
