i don't like sucking hair
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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