I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
