You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My vagina is very pro this idea
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
