Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
