I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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