i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize