the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
