I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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