Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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