What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
