My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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