Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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