Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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