i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
