This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
