I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
