if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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