I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
my liver is dry heaving
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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