i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
