so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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