just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
