Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
