I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You made out with two different species that night
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
