thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
