she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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